So many people have been telling me that I was so brave for going to the Ukrainian border to help out. (If that was you, thanks for the message😊)
And I did have to be brave, in some ways. But not in the ways I think those people meant.
I wasn’t actually in danger. I know a lot of people are worried that the war will spread past Ukraine if other countries get more involved. If that happened, I suppose it would be likely that Poland would be one of the first combat areas.
But I would say it’s still pretty unlikely that it would have happened.
It’s like the time I went to Morocco and people warned me that it’s dangerous to go there because 2 white women went missing and ended up getting killed while hiking.
(Well, it’s not exactly the same – because that claim stems from deep-rooted racism, where people are constantly expecting black men to be predators of white women.)
But what is the same: is making a generalization without rooting it in knowledge about the subject (e.g. – If you think all white women who go to Morocco get killed…just look at a few Instagram posts of the thousands of women who travel to Morrocco and make it home safely.)
Many people think it’s unsafe to travel alone – because you might get robbed or raped or killed if you travel.
Well sure, you might…
…But you might have those things happen anywhere else. I mean, I never got robbed or raped or killed while I was traveling or living in a “foreign” country (“foreign” meaning, “not in the US). But I have been robbed in the US. I’ve also been raped in the US.
People get killed all the time in the US due to gun violence.
So saying that it’s dangerous to travel alone is based on ignorance and fear of the “other.”
Saying that it was dangerous for me to go to the Ukraine border is also based on a lack of knowledge of Ukrainian geography – considering the bombing was happening in cities nowhere near the border (the closest one would be Lviv, which is 86 kilometers from the border where I was at.
Again, sure, it’s somewhat possible that that border could have been bombed. But it’s also just as likely that I could have been a victim of gun violence in my home city of Portland, Oregon. Unfortunately.
If you take that perspective of my trip, you can say I wasn’t really that brave at all.
You can also take another perspective.
An Alternative and (I Think) More Helpful Perspective On Bravery
I read an Instagram post by the photojournalist, Julia Kochetova, who is in Ukraine, right in the midst of the bombing, shelling, and sniping, and she’s photographing the actual violence in real-time.
Many people are saying she is brave. (So am I!)
She’s certainly braver than I am, if you look at things in a ‘hierarchy of bravery.’
She made a recent post about a Ukrainian paramedic serving in the war. Kochetova showed several photographs of this woman’s bravery in the midst of shelling and pointed out that she’s certainly braver than herself!
My point here is not to compare levels of bravery but to point out that our view of “bravery” is actually quite flawed.
Maybe I’m braver than people who haven’t helped the Ukraine war at all.
Bravery insinuates that you don’t have fear.
But ‘courage’ means you have the ability to do something that frightens you.
In fact, I was afraid to go to the border. I wasn’t afraid of bombing or war. But I was afraid that I would show up and make a fool of myself.
That I would get there and not be a help at all.
That my supplies wouldn’t be needed.
That I would bring all the wrong stuff.
That I would waste everyone’s money that they donated.
That I would waste my time driving all the way there when I could have just sent the money to some organization.
Especially showing up there without being part of an organization, I really had no idea what to expect, what the scene would be like, or really how I’d be able to help. And that was scary. The uncertainty was scary. And of course, my self doubt crept up and had a hey-day with me.
Like I said, I’m not here to compare levels of bravery. But I am here to share how I overcame the fear that I did have in order to do this ‘brave’ deed. In order to show up in a courageous way.
Because I think it will really help you do courageous things with your life and in your business too.
How I Overcame My Fears to Do What I Felt the Need to Do
When I got to the town closest to the border, I really didn’t know what to do. I had followed Google Maps to get to Przemyśl, and there I was.
Now what?
Nothing really looked different than any other city – I didn’t see hoards of refugees anywhere. So I looked on the map again. There was a 30-minute drive to get to the actual border. And then I pulled over at this Mcdonald’s parking lot and thought, What am I actually going to do when I get to the border?
I knew there was no way to know unless I actually went, so here’s what I did:
I acknowledged that it would be nice to have some kind of guide, article, or blog post to inform me of what to expect or what actions to take, but that such a thing doesn’t exist so that wasn’t an option for me.
I decided to tackle a bite-sized piece instead of trying to swallow the whole thing. Meaning, just take the first step. I decided to simply drive there. I didn’t need to think about what I would do after that, since the first step was really just to get there.
When I got within sight of the border, a guard stopped me and asked if I was going to Ukraine. I said no, I came to help but I don’t know where to go to do that.😂 (That’s another bonus step. Just being honest about the fact that you’re confused.)
The guard told me to go to the left to the village. I turned left. I saw a couple cops standing on a corner but since I generally am not a fan of cops I didn’t want to ask them for help. So I drove a little bit…but still didn’t see any people. I don’t know what I was looking for. Tents? Crowds of people? Red cross banners? No idea.
I realized I was going to have to talk to the cops. At least they were women. So I rolled down the window and they both rushed over and gushed at my cat peeking her head out the window. So they were friendly and I was relieved.
I told them I have some supplies to deliver but I don’t know where to deliver them. They told me to follow the red arrow signs to the local school, and to go in and see if my supplies are needed there.
After following the signs, I arrived at the school and then had to do another check-in with myself. I found the school, I could see some busses there waiting to pick people up, there were some cops there, and a few people standing outside smoking. I could see through the windows (it was dark by that point) some people walking around inside, sitting, eating…etc.
So again, I just have to take the next bite. I guess I’ll get out of the car, walk into the building, and then see what happens.
When I walked inside, there were some people sitting at a table in the entry and it looked like they were staff who knew what was going on. I said, “I brought some supplies in my car – do you need them?”
It took a few moments for them to pass me down the ‘chain of command’ until I found the woman who was in charge of organizing the supplies. She said, “Well, everything is needed – go ahead and bring everything inside.”
So for the next 10 minutes, I unloaded everything from my car into the entryway where the woman had directed me. And that was that. I drove all the way from Serbia to Poland to spend 10 minutes unloading some supplies! Or at least, that’s how I felt, thanks to the inner critic we all bear inside of us.
But in that moment, it was necessary to just tell that voice to shut up because it wasn’t going to help me at all. So then I found another volunteer and I told her that I had a car and could give people rides if they needed. She said, “Wait here while I go and check.”
So I went and stood in the gymnasium portion where they had laid out cots and beds. Some people were napping on their cots, there was a mother reading a book to her toddler, there were kids running around, volunteers playing games with the kids, a family petting their dog. I stood in the corner and watched it all happening. I took one discreet video of what it looked like, but didn’t want to seem like a ‘tourist’ of people’s misfortune so it’s the only one I took.
Within just a few minutes, the volunteer had come back with a request that I drive a family to the tippy-top of Poland, to a city called Hel, I said sure why not, I met the family, they packed up their bags, and we were off.
And after that, everything just sort of fell together and worked itself out for the next two days!
(I had more fears and new situations to tackle after that – if you want to hear about them, send me a DM on Insta.)
That’s really how it works with fear.
Usually, we feel afraid of the unknown ahead of us because we just can’t see how it’s all going to go.
How will we handle obstacles that come up?
How will we know the right thing to do?
In business, this can look like:
- How will I make a sale without coming across as pushy?
- Will I get ROI on this investment?
- Will my clients get the results I’m claiming I can help them get?
- How can I market effectively while still being true to my authentic self?
And whether you’re thinking about a trip to the Ukraine border, joining the army to protect your country, launching a new offer, rebranding your business, or ANYTHING you might feel afraid of, the way to get over your fears is the same.
5 Steps to Overcoming Your Fears to Do Courageous Things
- Acknowledge what you’re afraid of and how it feels.
- Make yourself aware of the facts you DO have (even if you don’t feel equipped and prepared with everything you would LIKE to have).
- Forget about what the outcome will be, or what you’ll do 5 steps down the road. Focus on putting one foot in front of the other and just do the ONE thing you need to do to move forward.
- Stay present with each next step, without getting worked up about the future.
- Then watch as everything falls into place and just works out for you!
And the WORST thing you can do when you’re feeling afraid about taking a big step?
Is comparing yourself to what others are doing!
I don’t care if it’s a woman bravely defending her country against war crimes, a photojournalist reporting on the war, another entrepreneur getting amazing results for their clients and making a shit ton of money…it literally does not matter.
Because we all have our own fears to face. We all have our own roles to play. We all have our own “mean inner voices” trying to hold us back from what we’re meant to do.
Be courageous. Do the brave thing despite the fears trying to hold you back! Take the 5 steps I’ve listed above for managing your fears and then dig in.
What to Do When the Fears Are Too Strong for a 5-Step Process
If you find that your fears are too strong to work through on your own (totally normal and fine), I offer 1:1 coaching sessions to help you work through what is holding you back from:
- Taking that next step in your business,
- Expressing yourself authentically in your marketing,
- Or finding and communicating your unique angle to position yourself in your industry.
Send me a DM on Instagram to get the details and set up a 90-minute session.💙
